Gender In the Classroom

In my english 354 class we're discussing the problems about talking and discussing race and gender in the classroom. It was quite an interesting discussion, because we found out after a week of discussing problems with learning and talking about different races, we hadn't spent any time on problems with gender within our society.
My teacher looked around and asked why it was so hard to come up with anything to talk about, or make any safe arguments with one another. My teacher also noticed that once we got the gender discussion going, not one male in the class said anything, he joked that if there was any time in which the females would stop talking if the men would say anything regardless, and there was silence.
Why is gender so hard to discuss in class, and not the safe women like to shop, and men like football comments, but why is it so hard to truly discuss what makes us different? Is it that we don't want to step on eachother's toes and hurt any feelings? I ask myself that question, so why are we so worried to have healthy discussion and confrontations about problems dealing with gender? Race, suprisingly is a little easier to discuss, why, I feel like race is easier to discuss because people know their boundaries when talkign about race in the classroom because we've been taught our discussion boundaries in which not to cross, and everyone usually knows what they are. Is gender different to discuss because growing up in the classrooms we've never been confronted with the problem of gender and not know how to talk about it? From a male point of view, I was brought up not to complain about anything unless it hindered my direct safety, so I really just choose not to discuss when it comes to male gendered probelms in our classroom, why? I think its because I honestly don't think it affects me personally on a high enough level to bother me. So I guess after this long winded explanation, my question for discussion is, Why is the topic of gender so often a females topic to discuss, and why don't males get more involved? Is it because men genuinely don't care? Is it because females feel there are the only ones experiencing hardships? You tell me....

Cooking Shows

So I'm a huge Food Network fan. It's the first channel I turn to every time I turn the TV on. Anyways, there is a new show in the network named Down Home with the Neelys. The other day my sister and I got on the issue on how much the show portrays women doing what they can to please their men. While the show involves both the husband and wife cooking, it's obvious that the woman does most of the work and various times throughout the show you'll hear her comment on ways to keep your man happy. I couldn't even watch a full episode due to the fact that I felt the cooking and talent part of Food Network had been completely taken away. It appears to me that they are trying to relive the 50s and go back to teaching women ways to keep their men happy, looking good, and etc. I watch Food Network for ways to cook quickly, entertainment, and for something different that common reality shows aired on other channels. I don't look to it for advice on how to look nice and cook in order to please my man. What do you all think about this? Do you believe with this show that the media is portraying a positive model for women?

Assertive

I have an experience from my work that I would like to share that correlates with the information learned in this course:

I had a conversation with my boss the other day at work that immediately made me think of our Gender Comm class . Earlier in the day she had been approached by a female co-worker who had approached her in an assertive manner. The co-worker was confronting her about a matter that had seemed to fall through the cracks. I was not present for this, but my boss retold the story of what happened to me. After telling me the whole story of the confrontation my boss said that "She is so bitchy, and God help anyone who gets on that woman's bad side." So after things had died down I had some time to think. If this would have been a male co-worker would my boss have felt the same way towards him? Or, if it had been a male co-worker, would it be expected behavior? I think this goes along with information we covered in class that when women are assertive and taking charge they are thought to be a bitch. However, when men are assertive it is a quality to be praised and recognized. Reflecting back, I honestly believe that if it had been a male co-worker who had approached my boss, I probably would have never even heard about it because that kind of behavior is not condemnable for men.

Please leave any comments if you would like! Thanks!

Clueless

This article has an interesting take on why so many men perceive women's actions as sexual come-ons or friendly cues. http://www.livescience.com/health/080320-clueless-guys.htmlThey talk about the different reasons that men have difficulties understanding women before finally settling on their reason. That men are clue less when it comes to non-verbal communication. I would like to hear what people in the class think about why men, or even women, so often misconstrue these verbal cues.

This makes me livid....

So if you havent seen by my previous post, I am pretty much obsessed with the Today Show and their segments are so relevant to our ciriculum in Gender and Communication. But today, I was FURIOUS when I saw the video (link attached) that talked about a new website game called "Miss Bimbo"--if you think the name is offensive just wait to hear what it is all about. Two British men came up with a game which targets young girls (as young as 8) to create their own Bimbo. It is similar to the concept of The Sims or other games where you basically make sure that your "alter ego" is eating right, functioning in daily activities, making friends ect. but in this game it has taken a whole new spin. The way you make money in order to feed and clothe yourself if by your Attitude points, which come from doing things like going to the tanning salon or exercising. By getting these points you can then buy diet pills, which are stated as "the eaiser way to eat" or implants if you are not happy with your body. Talk about sending the wrong message!! Of course parents are less than thrilled with this game and one mother makes the comment that they have enough of these pressures in real life, why glamorize it in a video game when there is nothing glamorous about throwing up your food to maintain a decent weight or getting implants in order to try and achieve attention from others. I think that this made me so mad because I have always been aware that there is so much pressure on women to be a certain way and do certain things, but the fact that these men had the nerve to create a game out of this as though it isnt a big issue makes me so furious that they are giving young girls this impression. Obviously we can not support games like this, but what is an action we can take to counteract the actions of terrible "role models" like this? Does the responsibility lie with the parents to talk to their kids, the education system, peers? Who should be responsible?

United Nations Population Fund

I wanted to learn more about gendered violence and things that I can do to help. I found an amazing website that has so much information. The website is for the United Nations Population Fund and their mission is:
"UNFPA, the United Nations Population Fund, is an international development agency that promotes the right of every woman, man and child to enjoy a life of health and equal opportunity. UNFPA supports countries in using population data for policies and programmes to reduce poverty and to ensure that every pregnancy is wanted, every birth is safe, every young person is free of HIV/AIDS, and every girl and woman is treated with dignity and respect."

http://www.unfpa.org/gender/violence.htm

The UNFPA is doing so much to eliminate gendered violence around the world. At the bottom of their link is an amazing FREE publication titled "Ending Violence Against Women: Programming for Prevention, Protection, and Care." To go directly to this FREE printable publication go here:
http://www.unfpa.org/publications/detail.cfm?ID=323 and simply click on "English" (next to Pdf) to open it.

In my opinion, this text is a vital resource that should be made available to all. Please take the time to read through it, and pass it along to someone else. This is something that can truly bring about a positive change. Please feel free to leave any comments below. Thanks and have a great weekend!

Sex, the media, and parents

Sex permeates our entire society. Whether you're engaging in sex or not, all you have to do is look at the magazine rack at the grocery store to know that sex is everywhere making it a social normity. The idea of sex sells. It turns people on, if you will. However, many people in our society get so caught up in the idea of sex that they become disillusioned as to what it is and how it can really affect people. Unsafe sex is commonly associated with alcohol and drug use. But beyond that, I believe it's associated with growing up in a society that sticks sex right in front of our faces but doesn't educate people about the real life consequences of decisions that are made in the heat of the moment. This is especially true for teenagers. Teens are still developing their cognitive abilities, especially cause and effect. Thus, when they see random, loveless sex in shows, music videos, and movies they watch everyday but never see any consequences, it is no wonder that they believe that they too can participate in such activities with no negative consequences. I guess the main problem is that a lot of parents are too embarrassed or scared to talk to their kids about sex. In my class last semester we were informed that 95% of boys learned what they know about sex from the media while 80% of girls learned from a parent. Sure, this is an awkward thing to talk about, and if my parents had really tried to, I probably would've felt awkward too. Still, like my professor last semester said, the line of communication about everything, not just sex, should be open and building from the time child(ren) are young. This would make the 'birds and bees' talk more like a natural conversation and less like an uncomfortable discussion between two people who barely know each other. I feel that in order to properly education young people about sex, parents need to create an environment that permits open communication at a young age. The main thing that needs to be taught is that sex in the context of a loving, committed relationship amounts to so much more than a random hookup. Sexual intimacy isn't just about intercourse but it's an expression of love between two people who share much more than just a night of fun. In my opinion sex is worth waiting for.

Why Does Sex Sell???

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Dreamworld 3 displayed some horrific information about violence and disrespect for women in music videos. The movie later shows examples of how the line between music videos and real life is becoming blurred. The author of Dreamworld blames the directors of these music videos and for the content that they display. However, the directors have a point. Their music videos sell, and the content in those music videos is selling it. Thus I am proposing the following questions:

Why do these music videos sell?

What happens during our development as young men and women that attracts us to these music videos?

How do we develop our male and female gender perceptions that allow us to watch such horrific events?

As a developed society, how have we become so desensitized to these types of videos?

How have we evolved as a society to condone this type of treatment of women?



Please comment. I ask these questions in effort to gain a larger perspective than my own!

off topic

Hey guys - I have a favor to ask.

I have an internship with a publishing company called ByStudents. They are publishing a guide to help high school students select a college and are writing about what they consider to be the top 200 colleges in the country. UNL was selected as one of those colleges, and in order to get good info to put into the guide, I am recruiting students to fill out a short survey about UNL. You can be completely honest, fill out as much or as little as you'd like, and you have the opportunity of getting published! If you have a few minutes to spare anytime soon, please fill this out for me.

I appreciate it!

Link to Survey: http://www.bystudents.com/unl/default.aspx

Changing Views on Media Representations

So today I saw a music video and couldn't help but watch it differently after viewing Dreamworld 3 in class two weeks ago. The video consisted of a girl stripping and dancing on a strip pole for three men. The minute her dress dropped to the ground the men had their full attention on the girl. However, the men flexed their muscles the girl swayed towards them and practically gave herself to them. As discussed previously, we can observe this as women having power over men with the use of a strip pole but do we see this in a different light after viewing Dreamworld 3? I didn't know how to exactly think after watching the video. Part of me wanted to see femininity and masculinity both being represented equally but also I wanted to think how badly the girl represented herself. What are everyone else's thoughts on this issue? Do we still see some kind of power women have in stripping or has media pushed it too far?

Violence

This week’s lectures were both interesting and emotionally stressful and draining to me. I was actually crying in class, just almost no one noticed, I really wanted to leave but couldn’t. On Tuesday someone had brought up the question of "why don't people report being raped?" I can answer this question from personal experience. There are many reasons people do not report it. As a victim you do not want to keep telling what happened over and over because every time you tell it you are reliving it. Another reason is that you are thinking how can someone so strong and smart let herself get into this situation. Why couldn't I just defend myself? This doesn't happening to people, no one else will understand. So you don't say anything to anyone. In my case I ended up pregnant and couldn't hide it forever, even though I tried. I don't believe in abortion so now I have a beautiful 13-month old daughter. As a victim you keep denying that it happened. I had planned on giving my daughter up for adoption so that no one would ever know that I was ever raped or pregnant. My family didn't even know I was pregnant until the day after my daughter was born when I called my aunt in tears telling her because I couldn't call my parents (and she lives close to Lincoln), I felt like I was worthless and letting them down. Little did I know that rape happens more than we think. I know of at least two other women in my family within the generation before mine who have been raped and haven't told anyone but me. I believe the statistics that we saw in class are low. In a class I took last semester the statistics that were shown were closer to 33% of women have been raped compared to 25% stated in the video. Who knows what the actual percentage is, because so few of us report it. Another reason people do not report it is they may know someone who did and it did no good. A friend of mine was also raped at another college. She reported it to the police and they did nothing for her. He basically was told not to do it again, where is the justice in that. But through it all we all of us (well at least the people I know) have persevered. Unless you know our story you would never guess that something so terrible has happened to us because we still have a smile on our face.

Women in the Media

This post is in response to the video we watched in class today, Dreamworld 3. I don't know about anyone else, but towards of the end of the video I was disgusted. I don't have a problem so much with the music videos, because they choose to be exploited in such ways. However, when the riots were shown with the women being violated, it really made my stomach turn. I think it's a dangerous world to begin with, but when the music industry makes it "okay" for women to be treated in such ways, what are people supposed to think? The music industry portrays women in their videos who enjoy being touched, groped, and half-naked. Not to mention that they are treated like strippers having money and booze poured on them.
However, what really caught my attention was the facts at the end of the show. I don't remember the exact statistics now, but it was something like 1/6 women are victim of rape or attempted rape. The statistics were bone chilling. I was just wondering what some other reactions were from the video since we didn't get to discuss it much.

Study finds 1 in 4 US girls have STD

There was an article published in Yahoo! news on about STD's and American teenage girls. This article pinpoints girls and how they are sexually active, however it does not touch on boys or how they may have an STD. The study blames the girls STD's on the lack of SexEd, if this is such an issue, why isn't something done? I think SexEd should be talked about annually, starting as early as 5th grade until high school to let kids know the dangers of sex and STD's. The study said, only about half of the girls in the study acknowledged having sex. Some teens define sex as only intercourse, yet other types of intimate behavior including oral sex can spread some diseases. How do you think we can better educate kids at a young age? Do you think it is fair girls are pinpointed for having STD's and boys are left out of the picture?

Transgender Politican

In 2007, Newsweek ran an article titled "My Life as a Transgender Politican. A former Air Force sergeant (and former man) on running for office as a transgender candidate." The article interviewed Pam Bennett who was running for city council in the United States in Aurora, Colorado. Pam ran an open and honest campaign about her politcal stances and as well as her personal life. When this topic was brought up in class, I wanted to find out the results of her campaign and share them with you all.

Here is a link to an article detailing the outcome:http://www.aurorasentinel.com/main.asp?SectionID=8&SubSectionID=8&ArticleID=17732&TM=39833.74

(I have tried to find the original article on Newsweeks website, but have had no success. If I find the original I will post it.)

What are your thoughts on having a transgender politcal figure? Would their status have any effect on the way you would vote? Also, what if a political figure had not been as honest about their gender identity as Pam Bennett. What effect, if any, would it have on you? Is it even any of our business if someone was previously male or female?

If you would like, please leave your thoughts and comments. Thanks!

What Becomes You- A Transgendered Journey in Literature

With our class discussion about people who are transgendered, I remembered that one of our English professors here at the university has a son who is transgendered. Hilda Raz is an English professor here who mostly teaches classes referring to poetry and women’s studies, some of you may have had her as a teacher. Her son, Aaron Raz, came out with a book, “What Becomes You” last year about his transformation from a woman to a man. In this book Aaron and Hilda examine their lives within the context of their experiences and expectations of gender, what it is and what it isn't, what it means and what it doesn't mean. Through Aaron’s section, we get to hear the intimate story of how he always felt out of place in his feminine role, how he felt awkward in his female body, how he dealt with the emotions as he discovered who he really is. Hilda also writes in at and comments on how she observed the process as both an "astonished" parent and as a professor who has studied gender issues.

I think this is a great example of the process and hardships of someone who is transgendered. It’s specifically relevant to this class because it places this issue within the context of our own region. If you get a chance, check it out, it’s definitely a worthwhile read.

http://www.nebraskapress.unl.edu/product/What-Becomes-You,673156.aspx

Transgender Video Links

I apologize for not being able to get these to work in class. Here are the video links.


http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/06/24/finnstrom.transgender.youth.cnn?iref=videosearch

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2007/08/10/lkl.transgender.people.cnn?iref=videosearch

Absent Fathers: Effects on Abandoned Sons

As I was doing some research for another class, mostly perusing the area for some interesting gender topics, I came across this Men's Studies Journal with an article entitled, "Absent Fathers: Effects on Abandoned Sons." It seemed fitting to take a closer look into this article considering last week's lecture on the "Facets of Fatherhood." The article discusses the profound impact that ensues from a non-existent father detailing the son's stuggles with self-esteem, intimacy and concludes with a treatment model. I found a particularly interesting portion of the article that provided a case example for absent fathers. The story mirrored the compensation hypothesis, it described an abandoned man's search for his father and his subsequent therapy as he sought to be an improved father for his newly born son.
If you want to learn more about this piece of writing you can check it at:
Balcom, D. A. (1998). Absent Fathers: Effects on Abandoned Sons. The Journal of Men's Studies, 6(3), 283+. Retrieved March 6, 2008, from Questia database: http://www.questia.com/PM.qst?a=o&d=5001348916

How to Navigate Through the First Date...

Is it just me or does MSN.com publish way too many articles about relationship advice?!? I feel like it is everytime I log onto my email that I am ambused with someway to better my romantic relationships. This one is kind of funny just because it is a lot of what we talked about on valentines day class period and the things that you should do (in a nice bulleted list). My favorite is "NO texting, call the next day, but only 2 days later max." I have decided that "the rules" can be manipulated and followed to different extents depending on what area of the country you live in and your generation. For example, people my parents age would never dream of texting someone they were dating, only because that is not how they did things when they were growing up, but in today's society that would be completly aceeptable for some. Something interesting to think about. Take a look.

Hungry Man TV Commercials

I was recently watching TV when I came upon an interesting commercial. To view the commercial go to hungry-man.com and click on view our TV spot. Basically the commercial is about three men that work a blue collar job at a factory. They are on lunch break and the three men are drinking smoothies and sitting together. One guy asks the others if they will go to the bathroom with him; so they all get up to go to the bathroom together. Another man eating a hungry man dinner calls them out and says, "where are you ladies going." The three men get really offended and they throw their smoothies and they decide that they want to eat hungry man dinners instead because "it is the manly thing to do." Obviously this commercial is marketing their product towards men, but I thought it was an interesting way to market their product. They are essentially putting down women by emphasizing the stereotype that going to the bathroom together and drinking smoothies for lunch is a women thing to do, and "manly men" aren't suppose to be doing that. They also try to give men the picture that if they don't eat hungry man dinners then they aren't masculine.

• What do you think about this commercial, and what message do you think they are trying to get across to their viewers?

Response to Killer Queens message from Guys vs. Girls on Guys and Girls

Alright Killer Queen, I read through your post and I have a few things to say. This is not a personal attack on you or your thoughts, but I want to point some things out for argument's sake.

I’m noticing some gross over-generalizations about women and that some of the things I said were misconstrued in your response. First off, you started your argument with:

“ First of all Kiki claims that the guy she is talking to objectifies women. With that comment alone Kiki is opening a Pandora’s Box of general gender issues that stand between men and women. “

I understand your point of view on that, however, I made no such claim to my coworker that he objectifies women, he came outright and said; I objectify women. This is how it went down;

“It started out with him talking about how he objectifies women. He rationalized it by saying "Well woman dress up to show off their bodies, so they must want to be objectified!" And I said, "That's not true. We dress up to look good so we have confidence in ourselves, not to be objectified by men. "

Secondly, you go on to say;

”But on a certain level don’t all women expect to be objectified somewhat by men? Kiki needs to realize that yes, women do dress up in order to feel more confident about themselves, but how do we gain confidence, by receiving attention!”

Red flag!!! I see a big difference between being objectified and seeking attention. The word objectify is defined as: depersonalized, make impersonal or present as an object. I don’t know any women who like to be discredited to the point of being seen as merely an object. We are not just boobs, there’s a lot more to it than that. If a guy thinks I’m attractive and would like to tell me so, I will not be offended. However, if a guy walking behind me yells, “nice ass,” I don’t love that! I am starting to wonder if people truly understand what objectifying means. Although I can’t speak for all women here, I feel pretty confident in the fact that most women do not condone or enjoy objectifying behavior.

The other issue I have with this, which can’t and won’t be changed, is it’s yet another double standard when it comes to women. Men can’t really dress in a way that’s “revealing,” so there’s not a point when we can say “obviously they want us to check them out and objectify them.”

The other thing I dislike, that I pick up from a couple of the responses to this is the fact that it is assumed that any girl wearing a low-cut shirt is jonesin’ for a one night stand, because in Nicko’s words, “if she's already showing that much skin why not show the rest?” Sometimes when I go out, I wear shirts that are cute and may show some skin, but that doesn’t mean I’m cruising for a booty call at all.

Also, compliments do lead to confidence, but I can tell you now, honking or whistling generally generates an eye roll from a woman, and again, I am not speaking for every woman here, just speaking from what I’ve experienced in my own life. While I might laugh off a forward advance like that, if the guy who honked at me then chased me down the street trying to talk to me, I would not let him approach me.

At the end, you make a good point. You talk about how we shouldn’t generalize men and women;

“I think what is most important to keep in mind is that technically speaking everyone has an opinion related to the opposite sex that is true, but what’s most important to keep in mind is that we cannot generalize what it means to be female or male, what it means to be attracted to one another, what it means to be in a relationship. So many of these characteristics are not based upon gender, but rather individual morals and values.”

However, throughout your response, you do generalize about women and what they like. I agree with you that women do EXPECT to be objectified by men on some level, but I don’t necessarily with you on what you say objectification is, because you use two contrasting examples, one; you’re beautiful (which to me is a compliment and not an objectification) and two; nice legs (which is an objectification unless a previous relationship with the other person has already been established.)

You end with;

“This conversation between these two people is so superficial and so generic that I think we’ve all heard it before. To even have this conversation is demoralizing what this class is about. To bring up the subject of “sex sells” or the objectification and impossible standards for women’s beauty that society has grown into is a subject that I would rather not discuss, especially since these standards and norms have been part of our society for so long that I personally think it’s about time that we got over that hill and start working on our self confidence.”

The implication that our conversation is superficial and generic is somewhat true. The part about it being “demoralizing” to the class also may be true, but obviously I wasn’t thinking in the context of my gender class when I was conversing with a friend at work. I do realize in re-reading parts of the article that I did make broad sweeping statements about men and women and what they like, and this was probably not the correct way to handle it. However, again, I wasn’t participating in the conversation as a scholarly critical thinker, I was just chatting with a dude at work.

Finally, I think that your idea about women working on their self-confidence is a good one, but a very difficult thing to achieve. Because men and women gain so many of their ideas when they are so young, it seems almost impossible to shield them from the influence of societal beauty. I know that I had doubts about myself and my body as a young child after watching tv and looking at magazines, before I even really knew or understood the concept of self confidence. It’s a tough situation, and it’s hard to find a balance.

Alright everyone, I’m climbing off the soapbox for now. Thoughts? Comments? Concerns?

Cosmo Quizzes

So the other day I was skimming through a Cosmo magazine, which along with many other women's/teen magazines contain quizzes such as What type of date are you?, Are you a trustworthy friend, etc. As you read through the quiz you can kind of start to guess what answers you can pick to get the results to the quiz that you want. For example in the quiz "Are you a good date" the question "How far in advance does a guy need to ask you out prior to a date?--At least a week, a couple days or a few hours before he picks you up?" This perpetuates the idea that there are certain "rules" dating that you must abide by. So do you think that these quizzes continue to support the stereotypes and "rules" that people believe because they are emphasized in our culture, such as these quizzes?