I found this link to a Psychology Today magazine article. I thought it really went along with some of the gender issues we covered in class. It highlights at the end of the article how men show affection through instrumental affection (like doing something for the person they care about like fixing the VCR).
I have many personal experiences from my relationship that coincide with this. Most recently, my boyfriend demonstrated instrumental affection by installing more memory into my computer. To him, he was showing his love for me by making my computer faster so that I am able to get my homework, research, and papers done more quickly.
If you would like, please take a look (it's pretty short) and leave comments. Thanks!
http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030819-000002.html
3 comments:
This topic about men and women showing affection differently is very fasinating to me. Through personal relationships of my own I cant connect completely. I do establish rapport before jumping in bed with someone but dont experience a change of feelings after that. What gets me is a guys being able to talking about his feelings and be honest even though it is difficult for some of them... but I havent really fallin for someone yet that is like that. I can say that I notice that men will do more physical labor for show love but it balances out because women show love in ways they know how. I think that is why we are so attracted to each other because its something different, we get to experience feelings in a different way than if we didnt have that other half. If a guy cant put into words how he feels about me than I stop wasting my time. But I cant I dont mind getting my car cleaned and heavy stuff moved for me! ;)
I think that men definitely show emotion way differently than women. In my life, I have seen how guys are different between themselves though. My roommates boyfriend calls ALL the time. He is one that shows emotion through words a lot. My boyfriend on the otherhand, cannot stand talking on the phone and doesn't call unless there is something specific to talk about. That drives me crazy. I feel like a person should want to communicate to the one they care about. I just have to keep reading these articles and believe that it isn't just him. He definitely does show he cares in other ways, but it does strain our relationship sometimes because I want that communication and affection in that way. I think guys need to find a balance and work on communication.
I think it’s interesting how men and women express emotion. I think it’s wrong to measure male affection with a “feminine yardstick”. I mean who are we to judge someone’s affection as less meaningful simply because it does not match up with females. I have certainly experienced “instrumental affection” in previous relationships before. I feel bad because now that I see how different men may express emotion I see that there were many opportunities where I missed his attempts to display that affection. I’m certainly guilty of trying to measure men’s affection by comparing it to a female’s forms of affection.
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