March 30, 2008
Clueless
This article has an interesting take on why so many men perceive women's actions as sexual come-ons or friendly cues. http://www.livescience.com/health/080320-clueless-guys.htmlThey talk about the different reasons that men have difficulties understanding women before finally settling on their reason. That men are clue less when it comes to non-verbal communication. I would like to hear what people in the class think about why men, or even women, so often misconstrue these verbal cues.
6 comments:
I would have to say that men are clueless when it comes to non-verbal communication. I think the problem lies somewhat in report and rapport talk. If a woman doesn't want to be with a man, i feel it is best to simply say no.
The problem might lay within our culture. I believe that in our culture men and usually the aggressors in a relationship, thus if a woman is flashing a smile (flirting or not) the only way for a man to determine if she is interested is to pursue because sometimes a woman is less likely to pursue a man.
Either way I think the article is very funny and offers some great insight.
To go along with what cadillac tears said, I think that part of our culture is for women to be socialized to smile and be friendly and approachable. Women also use haptics more because of their socialization to be nurturing. This may also lead to men misinterpretting women's non-verbal communication.
I am not sure that I like the concept of this article. This is what makes men justify some of their stupid actions (yes I am aware women do some stupid things too). However, I have recently noticed how obnoxious it is to go to a bar with out a date. If I am sitting with a group of people (guys and girls) I find that some obnoxiously drunk man will approach me with a cheesey line about my smile or outfit. If I am with just girlfriends at a bar men become even more persistent and have even demanded that they buy me a drink. A few weeks ago this happened to my friend and a guy demanded he buy her a drink. He said she smiled at him and he thought she wanted to talk. She said "No, you were staring at me". So anyways he insisted on buying her a drink and spilled it on her in the process. She then demanded that he leave her alone and he still persisted. He said that she wouldn't have accepted the drink if she didn't want to talk. Recall that she only accepted the drink because he demanded she accept it. Of course this is an extreme case and this man had probably drank too much but I don't think it is fair that men come up with reasons to torment women such as "you smiled at me". I agree with cadillac tears, I feel it is best to say no if a woman doesn't want to be with a man. However, what if the man just assumed she wanted to be with him because he misinterpreted her nonverbal communication? This is where the situation gets difficult and can lead to heightened tension and perhaps aggression when the woman denies the man. Looking back to "Dreamworld" men were assuming women were coming on to them just by the way they dressed and took advantage of them.
I think much like many of the other topics we've hit on in this class, the ability of a man to recognize the difference in subtle non-verbal communication from a women lies along a continuum. Some guys are really good at it, while others are not so good. I don't think it has as much to do with obsession with sex as it has to do with the salience of sexual tension in the relationship or the level of sexual interest the male has in the woman.
I have to agree with “Kiki” I think some men are really good at reading non-verbal gestures whereas other men are not. One cannot assume that every man has the same capabilities. I guess I see men as the aggressors as well. I mean if a man’s sitting in a bar and sees a woman across the room smiling at him he’ll probably go pursue her. it’s in the both sexes nature to act in the described manner.
I agree that some men get it and some don't. However- a free drink is a free drink!
I also disagree with the fact that men are the aggressors in our culture - I think that now days a woman can be just as aggressive as men if they want to get a date or meet a guy. I also think that women misconstrue being mean with being assertive and saying no. There is no reason to be rude, you can be polite and accept the drink.
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