May 02, 2008
The Politeness Theory
In general women are more polite than men especially in arguments and when seeking compliance. I guess I think this is true. My times when I have had a confrontation with a girl they are very polite and usually backdown or minimize the situation as much as possible. Being polite can be good but it can also be bad. It's good because people think of you as a nice person and you keep a good face making people like you more. It can also be very bad. You might not always get what you want because you are trying to be polite so you end up doing whatever the other person says to do...even if that's not what you want. There are some women who can remain polite while being aggressive. This is what our society is teaching our young women to be as they go out into the real world. They should stand by what they believe in while maintaining a positive out look on life and other's opinions.
2 comments:
I am someone that has a really tought time dealing with confrontation but I don't know if I can attribute that all to the gender stereotypes that have been placed on me. My parents have always taught me to be an independent girl, never making things to easy for me or treating me any different than my brother, however I think that sometimes, I was sublimanally taught, not necessarily because I am a girl, but because I was the oldest, or I was the leader in groups, etc. that I should be submissive because that is the way to solve conflict. I understand that sometimes I don't always get what I want and don't always speak my mind, but I think that it goes beyond gender stereotypes, but instead is a way of leadership and dealing with people in a polite manner.
That may possibly be a very big generalization. Possibly with strong variances across different cultures.
I am a female and am very independent, strong minded, and know how to stand my ground. At the same time, I've also learned (and am still learning! :) when to 'pick my battles' and when to give 'n take.
I've come across many women who are also strong minded and men who are not. I've also seen my fair share of women who get a raging temper when they're upset or want their way.
Maybe some of what you're saying goes back to a social aspect or the differences between how men/women communicate. Perhaps men are use to communicating more through physical means (i.e. playing ball versus talking for hours over a slice of cheesecake). In this aspect men probably could work out some agression, whereas women learn to back down/change topics/concede points, etc. when communicating in a verbal and much less agressive style. Does it carry over to arguments between the sexes?
Consider other messages that we're sent within our culture... remember the class lecture where we talked about how it's not looked upon favorably if women are aggressive in the workplace? It was shown that behavior that is deemed acceptable from men in a work environment, is not ok for women because there's a stigma that women should be 'nice'. Here's another thought, are men not adequately being taught how to resolve issues without using strong aggression tactics? With all of the cultural messages about how a man's supposed to be muscular, strong, etc. maybe the message is being sent that it's not 'manly' to be polite while trying to resolve an issue. Hmmm...
All-in-all, I would agree with you that it can be good, but it can also be bad. (long winded blog to ultimately say this, huh? :)
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