May 01, 2008
You want me to pay?
I made an observation last night at dinner when getting the check. I went out with my boyfriend and I was the one that wanted to go out to eat and take him out because he got a job. I intended on paying for the meal although he usually pays for everything. The waitress was an older lady and automatically handed him the bill. I took it and paid and she seemed almost mad at him like he did something wrong. This shows how traditional roles have changed over time with who pays. When you go out to eat with someone who pays? Is the guys still responsible most of the time??
8 comments:
This actually just happened to me this past weekend. My sorority was having our formal dance and we all went to dinner together with our dates. When all of the women paid for the bills, our waiter told the men that he was disappointed in them that all the ladies paid. It was a very awkward situation!!
Gender roles have changed over time. When I go out to eat the person who invited/suggested the dinner is usually the one who pays. Example; today my friends, brother, and I went to Subway for lunch. I suggested it so I had no problem paying (pay day isn't until next week). I know that next time we go eat somewhere one of them will pay. I think the responsibility lies with who currently has money instead of what gender one is.
I have to agree that in today's society, who ever expresses the want to go out to eat with another person normally pays. However, it is also acceptable for both to pay. It is not the duty or obligation of a person to pay for a meal based on their gender or if they invited the person to come eat with them. Oldfashioned gender roles are changing as time progresses.
Thats funny because I work at a restaurant and one night I handed the bill to the man, it was a younger couple and when I came back to the table she kinda yelled at me saying that I should put the check in a more neutral place because it's not the males responsibility to always take care of it. I didn't even realize I had done it but I felt really bad afterword and havve made a concious effort to place the ticket in the middle now!
I think that is is funny how it is often assumed that the man is supposed to pay for the meal. Personally I feel that it is more the responsibility of the person suggesting to eat out to pay, or for each to pay for their own meal. I personally do not mind paying fo rmy friends meals every now and then because I know that I can afford to buy them food, while they may not be able to do the same for me. The only thing that I can hope is that sometime when they can afford it they do the same for someone else.
Really any time I take a girl out I expect to pay for the bill. That's how through social learning theory i was raised. Most instances its never really been a problem, but there have been times when the date insists on paying. I feel that whether I asked her out or not, it is my responsibility to provide for the meal. Its those masculine prescriptions we talked about, provide, protect, endow. Well, most times I'm content if my date appreciates the time together and is grateful for the meal, even a reach for the bill now and again is nice too.
I think this is just another example of how these stereotypes are perpetuated through society. In an attempt to do something out of the ordinary (pay for the check) you would be breaking a stereotype but the waitress (who gets upset for it) is taking you one step back and practically scolding you for something that shouldn't even be considered wrong. Disappointing...
So this is a really interesting conversation! :) With my ex-boyfriend, I felt bad if he always paid when we went out because I knew he was also tight on money. We had a series of talks while dating and ended up deciding to take turns at times either based on who suggested going out or who had more money. One really funny thing we did a few times was something he and the guys at work did when they went out -- everyone put their credit/debit card in a hat and when the server came to collect for the bill, he/she would draw a card out of the hat. Whoever had their card pulled paid for themselves and everyone else. Like I said, my ex and I did that a couple of times and it was funny to see the servers' expression... some were surprised and others thought it was a fun/great idea. Ah, creativity! :)
Post a Comment