How to Navigate Through the First Date...

Is it just me or does MSN.com publish way too many articles about relationship advice?!? I feel like it is everytime I log onto my email that I am ambused with someway to better my romantic relationships. This one is kind of funny just because it is a lot of what we talked about on valentines day class period and the things that you should do (in a nice bulleted list). My favorite is "NO texting, call the next day, but only 2 days later max." I have decided that "the rules" can be manipulated and followed to different extents depending on what area of the country you live in and your generation. For example, people my parents age would never dream of texting someone they were dating, only because that is not how they did things when they were growing up, but in today's society that would be completly aceeptable for some. Something interesting to think about. Take a look.

Hungry Man TV Commercials

I was recently watching TV when I came upon an interesting commercial. To view the commercial go to hungry-man.com and click on view our TV spot. Basically the commercial is about three men that work a blue collar job at a factory. They are on lunch break and the three men are drinking smoothies and sitting together. One guy asks the others if they will go to the bathroom with him; so they all get up to go to the bathroom together. Another man eating a hungry man dinner calls them out and says, "where are you ladies going." The three men get really offended and they throw their smoothies and they decide that they want to eat hungry man dinners instead because "it is the manly thing to do." Obviously this commercial is marketing their product towards men, but I thought it was an interesting way to market their product. They are essentially putting down women by emphasizing the stereotype that going to the bathroom together and drinking smoothies for lunch is a women thing to do, and "manly men" aren't suppose to be doing that. They also try to give men the picture that if they don't eat hungry man dinners then they aren't masculine.

• What do you think about this commercial, and what message do you think they are trying to get across to their viewers?

Response to Killer Queens message from Guys vs. Girls on Guys and Girls

Alright Killer Queen, I read through your post and I have a few things to say. This is not a personal attack on you or your thoughts, but I want to point some things out for argument's sake.

I’m noticing some gross over-generalizations about women and that some of the things I said were misconstrued in your response. First off, you started your argument with:

“ First of all Kiki claims that the guy she is talking to objectifies women. With that comment alone Kiki is opening a Pandora’s Box of general gender issues that stand between men and women. “

I understand your point of view on that, however, I made no such claim to my coworker that he objectifies women, he came outright and said; I objectify women. This is how it went down;

“It started out with him talking about how he objectifies women. He rationalized it by saying "Well woman dress up to show off their bodies, so they must want to be objectified!" And I said, "That's not true. We dress up to look good so we have confidence in ourselves, not to be objectified by men. "

Secondly, you go on to say;

”But on a certain level don’t all women expect to be objectified somewhat by men? Kiki needs to realize that yes, women do dress up in order to feel more confident about themselves, but how do we gain confidence, by receiving attention!”

Red flag!!! I see a big difference between being objectified and seeking attention. The word objectify is defined as: depersonalized, make impersonal or present as an object. I don’t know any women who like to be discredited to the point of being seen as merely an object. We are not just boobs, there’s a lot more to it than that. If a guy thinks I’m attractive and would like to tell me so, I will not be offended. However, if a guy walking behind me yells, “nice ass,” I don’t love that! I am starting to wonder if people truly understand what objectifying means. Although I can’t speak for all women here, I feel pretty confident in the fact that most women do not condone or enjoy objectifying behavior.

The other issue I have with this, which can’t and won’t be changed, is it’s yet another double standard when it comes to women. Men can’t really dress in a way that’s “revealing,” so there’s not a point when we can say “obviously they want us to check them out and objectify them.”

The other thing I dislike, that I pick up from a couple of the responses to this is the fact that it is assumed that any girl wearing a low-cut shirt is jonesin’ for a one night stand, because in Nicko’s words, “if she's already showing that much skin why not show the rest?” Sometimes when I go out, I wear shirts that are cute and may show some skin, but that doesn’t mean I’m cruising for a booty call at all.

Also, compliments do lead to confidence, but I can tell you now, honking or whistling generally generates an eye roll from a woman, and again, I am not speaking for every woman here, just speaking from what I’ve experienced in my own life. While I might laugh off a forward advance like that, if the guy who honked at me then chased me down the street trying to talk to me, I would not let him approach me.

At the end, you make a good point. You talk about how we shouldn’t generalize men and women;

“I think what is most important to keep in mind is that technically speaking everyone has an opinion related to the opposite sex that is true, but what’s most important to keep in mind is that we cannot generalize what it means to be female or male, what it means to be attracted to one another, what it means to be in a relationship. So many of these characteristics are not based upon gender, but rather individual morals and values.”

However, throughout your response, you do generalize about women and what they like. I agree with you that women do EXPECT to be objectified by men on some level, but I don’t necessarily with you on what you say objectification is, because you use two contrasting examples, one; you’re beautiful (which to me is a compliment and not an objectification) and two; nice legs (which is an objectification unless a previous relationship with the other person has already been established.)

You end with;

“This conversation between these two people is so superficial and so generic that I think we’ve all heard it before. To even have this conversation is demoralizing what this class is about. To bring up the subject of “sex sells” or the objectification and impossible standards for women’s beauty that society has grown into is a subject that I would rather not discuss, especially since these standards and norms have been part of our society for so long that I personally think it’s about time that we got over that hill and start working on our self confidence.”

The implication that our conversation is superficial and generic is somewhat true. The part about it being “demoralizing” to the class also may be true, but obviously I wasn’t thinking in the context of my gender class when I was conversing with a friend at work. I do realize in re-reading parts of the article that I did make broad sweeping statements about men and women and what they like, and this was probably not the correct way to handle it. However, again, I wasn’t participating in the conversation as a scholarly critical thinker, I was just chatting with a dude at work.

Finally, I think that your idea about women working on their self-confidence is a good one, but a very difficult thing to achieve. Because men and women gain so many of their ideas when they are so young, it seems almost impossible to shield them from the influence of societal beauty. I know that I had doubts about myself and my body as a young child after watching tv and looking at magazines, before I even really knew or understood the concept of self confidence. It’s a tough situation, and it’s hard to find a balance.

Alright everyone, I’m climbing off the soapbox for now. Thoughts? Comments? Concerns?

Cosmo Quizzes

So the other day I was skimming through a Cosmo magazine, which along with many other women's/teen magazines contain quizzes such as What type of date are you?, Are you a trustworthy friend, etc. As you read through the quiz you can kind of start to guess what answers you can pick to get the results to the quiz that you want. For example in the quiz "Are you a good date" the question "How far in advance does a guy need to ask you out prior to a date?--At least a week, a couple days or a few hours before he picks you up?" This perpetuates the idea that there are certain "rules" dating that you must abide by. So do you think that these quizzes continue to support the stereotypes and "rules" that people believe because they are emphasized in our culture, such as these quizzes?

Your Mom or Your CEO

I found another pretty interesting article on an opinion poll (not a scientific study with paradigms, SPSS, and Comm 201 learnings) on whether your mom would do a better job than your CEO. The results of the poll are note worthy. Perhaps we would have more ethical companies if moms were running the show. If you would like, please take a look (again it is pretty short), and leave your comments. Thanks!

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0EIN/is_2003_May_5/ai_101181623

Modes of Affection

I found this link to a Psychology Today magazine article. I thought it really went along with some of the gender issues we covered in class. It highlights at the end of the article how men show affection through instrumental affection (like doing something for the person they care about like fixing the VCR).

I have many personal experiences from my relationship that coincide with this. Most recently, my boyfriend demonstrated instrumental affection by installing more memory into my computer. To him, he was showing his love for me by making my computer faster so that I am able to get my homework, research, and papers done more quickly.

If you would like, please take a look (it's pretty short) and leave comments. Thanks!

http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030819-000002.html

Gender Differences: High School

I came across this article and I don't think much has changed since college, let me know your thoughts. Thanks.

Article: Your son or daughter is turning into a young man or woman before your eyes: starting to date, learning to drive, thinking about college. Yet at the same time, hormonal changes and social pressure may be creating a person you don’t know and don’t understand.
Adolescent males may appear cocky, but that’s largely because boys have trouble admitting weakness and talking about feelings. Studies show they’re just as confused and anxious as everyone else. While we’ve enacted rules to level the playing field for girls, boys still feel a cultural expectation to “be the best”. Social relationships can be competitive and hierarchical.

Sports can provide a healthy outlet, as well as a great way to blow off steam. Unfortunately, high levels of testosterone mean that when they’re stressed, teenage boys tend to lash out in self-destructive ways. They’re more impulsive than girls and tend to take risks – some healthy, others foolish. Parents need to talk about substance abuse and sexual values. Boys need caring male role models – if not a father or other male relative, then a caring teacher or family friend. More than girls, they’ll need to learn how to talk about their feelings and empathize with others.

Adolescent girls were the underdogs of the academic world for a long time, but now surpass boys in high school graduation rates and college attendance. Nevertheless, they still face enormous and unique pressures: the pressure to be thin and beautiful, the pressure to seem sexy but not slutty, the pressure to achieve without displaying “masculine” traits like ambition and assertiveness.

This pressure intensifies at a time when hormonal changes make it easy for girls to gain weight, push emotions onto a roller coaster and make the approval of peers seem all-important. Teenage girls form tight bonds with friends and talk about everything – but they also assume they are being watched and judged by everyone else. Talk about eating disorders and healthy self-image with them, about sexual values and safety, and about their right to assert their own wants and needs.

Whether you're the parent of a boy or girl, angel or devil, your child will inevitably experience some of the pleasures and pitfalls of the high school experience. And, although high-schoolers often seem to be pushing their parents away, the most important thing you can do for your teenager is be there waiting when he or she is ready to talk.

Things a Man Shouldn't Do in the Company of a Woman

Well the title says it all, but as soon as I saw this on the front page of MSN's website, my gender communication bells were ringing. Immediately I thought, "This is going to be narrow-minded, stereotype reinforcing, gender biased crap that they usually have in these sections..." but I clicked it nonetheless. Upon arriving at the loaded webpage, my suppositions were proven right. Among some of the "gems" of advice they give males are "Don't forget to carry cash" or "Don't refer to your mom as your best friend" or "Don't blow-dry your hair".

I find it funny how our own society regurgitates old gender roles even though change is on the horizon. For instance, the editors of Marie Claire say to stick to these traditionally masculine roles yet our society has welcomed such changes as men having long hair, wearing "guyliner", wearing tighter fitting t-shirts and even straight men wearing "GASP!" girl pants. But no matter how often I am proven correct about these MSN Dating spotlights, I still read them and once in a while there is actually one or two bits of advice that aren't completely terrible. In conclusion, I wonder if there are signs pointing towards a forward-thinking, less strict gender role reality or are these few changes just trends in fashion that will dissipate without much sociological implications? And what do you guys think of this article? Ridiculous? Yet I must agree with the polishing of high school trophies... that is just vain and who does that anyways?

Millionaire Matchmaker

I don't know how many people have seen the new show "Millionaire Matchmaker" on Bravo but it is a show where men, usually over 40, who are millionaires and looking for love pay a matchmaker to find the "right" women for them but a process of interviews, trial dates and then they select two women they are interested in getting to know better. While watching the show this weekend, a millionaire took one of his potential "final dates" to a go-kart race center where they proceeded to race around. When the man beat the women, she said "Obviously he has never heard the rule that you are always suppose to let the women win" and he responds "I guess I never have heard of that?". I just thought it was interesting that although this is a rather trivial rule, it is obviously something that people take into account.

Are Starbucks' 'skinny' drinks offensive?

While looking at the MSN news I came across this article dealing with Starbucks recent controversy. Basically within this article discusses the coffee drinks that are now referred to as "skinny" because they have fewer calories and fat. Wouldn't there be a better way or name to refer to these coffee drinks. I think that this is a good example of how women are targeted in such marketing schemes. Starbucks response to these claims that they were focused on their clients that are health conscious, not specifically women. I will admit that occasionally I will have a coffee from Starbucks, just because a drink is called "skinny" would not make me more apt to purchase it over my caramel frappuccino.

Stand by your man......or mom

Pre-caucus, Lincoln hosted both Chelsea Clinton and Michelle Obama, both female representatives for the two biggest Democratic presidential candidates. Both came to speak in support of Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama respectively. I find it interesting the role both of these women have chosen to take for the sake of the important people in their lives. During this highly political time in the United States it seems crucial for them to support 100% of what their mom and husband are doing. Chelsea Clinton mentioned that she completely agrees with everything her mom stands for. Michelle also came out in overwhelming support of who her husband is and what he stands for. Are both of them just saying this for the sake of the campaign or do they truly agree with everything? Assuming that either of these candidates claim the presidency, when is it appropriate for the first lady (or husband) to stand up for different things or to have different opinions than their spouse? What would the public think of this?

Pamela Anderson celebrates women - by taking her clothes off

Yesterday for Valentine’s Day Pamela Anderson celebrated by performing two sold out shows at the world famous strip club the Crazy Horse in Paris. Over 500 people came for each show and they each paid $300 to get in.

A quote from Anderson reads, “Though the Crazy Horse specializes in presenting topless dancers, "It's a celebration of women," says Anderson.”It's done very respectfully, very classy, and it's a wonderful show for women as well as for men." "This isn't for money," said Anderson. "It's just for the love of the art, and the Crazy Horse does it best."

Is this just Pamela Anderson’s horrible attempt to get publicity? Is this really her idea of romance and celebrating being a woman? Or is she just low on cash?

How to be Feminine

While searching feminism for another class report that I am working on, I came across the sister website of wikipedia caled WikiHow, which basically is a database for you to search anything from how to change a tire to how to be feminine, which I found during my search. It is a compiled list of "steps" that will provide you with the knowledge on how to become feminine. As I read through the steps, I made a decision that most all of these, with the exception of ones such as make-up application, all can be applied to men. More than feminine, it is teaching you how to be a proper person and polite person. One other thing I thought that was interesting was when I searched "How to be Masculine" on the same site, there was no list. So the questions I pose are these: #1. On this list, do you think that femininity is something that has to be accomplished as worked at, whereas masculinity just comes more natural, since according to this website they don't need instruction and #2. Are these steps really an aid in increasing someones femininity or is it more of a way to be an approchable person, whether male of female?

Signs he is into you...

I found this article online and thought it was interesting. It goes along with what we talked about in class about the games we play. Even nonverbal communication can say a lot.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=8950&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6&GT1=10886

Female Advantage at Strip Clubs?

So yesterday at work some fellow female co-workers and I were giving a male co-worker a hard time for going to a strip club the night before. We asked questions such as his intentions for wanting to go to a stip club. His reply was that he doesn't really enjoy strip clubs unless he is drunk. Us girls all ask him why he feels this way. He said he thinks it's degrading to watch women want to do that to themselves. As females we all replied by saying well it's great money. With this being true, one of my friends/co-workers who is female, replies, "Well I think too that women find stripping as empowerment." I asked her in what way she believed this. She goes well think about it, women can get up there and flaunt their assets, take advantage of men and receive their money in return. How is that not empowering to women? I go, that's a good point, and very true.

So, while most people see stripping as degrading to women and their bodies is there a some kind of "hidden" advantage for the female stripper? Do we see a mix of masculine and feminine roles being mixed in this occupation? So I was placed in a setting where I hear a man talk about going to a strip club as something he doesn't love to do but enjoys after a few drinks and out with a group of guys, and in return I hear a female reply back to seeing stripping as empowerment, I'm now intrested to know all of your thoughts on the situation. Do females have an advantage at the stripped pole with men?

Cooking is Effeminate?

I recently was on break at work and reading a magazine. I came across a good looking recipe with chicken and veggies and ripped it out, folding it into my jacket. As I did this, another employee asked me what Id taken, I replied, and he looked at me with a crinkled nose. Asking what was wrong, he told me he thought cooking "fancy" meals was a girly thing. Although sexism is still being fought, are there levels as low as this? Can it really be expected of men to only eat stuff you microwave? From my take, I thought it was neutral in the gendered actions of people today, even valued if a man cooks well.

I was wondering what other innocent activities or actions could be construed to be either male or female, as we had discussed this last week. Sewing up a ripped shirt effeminate? Playing videogames masculine? There seems like a laundry list of hilarious social taboos contructed around gender norms that aren't even thought about. Can anyone else name other "gendered activities" and tell me how effeminate it is to cook real meals?

Danica Patrick and female defintion through appearance

So I'm reading through Chapter 5 of our textbook the other day, and I come across the section on page 115 that discusses how female sports stars are often defined through their physical appearance rather than their athletic accomplishments. The book provides some recent examples of tennis stars Venus Williams and Anna Kournikova (the former I see as debatable in terms of how much her appearance is talked about instead of her accomplishments, the latter, however, is a clear-cut case of body-worship). Anyway, I was literally sitting on my couch trying to think of any current examples of this notion when a GoDaddy.com commercial came on TV showing female Nascar star Danica Patrick in a sexualized commercial promising more eye-candy if people log on to the website and download the video (or something like that).

For those of you who aren't familiar with Danica Patrick, she's a reasonably-successful Nascar driver (the only woman right now) who has gained notoriety both for her participation in a male-dominated sport as well as her sex-appeal. She is one of the "GoDaddy" girls, a trope of females that use their sexuality in advertising for the website business.

This really struck me as an example of a female star being known more for her physical attributes than her professional, athletic ones, but I am wondering if the class could weigh in ona few things. To my knowledge, none of the male Nascar stars are seen as sex symbols, and granted, it is difficult to comment on somebody's physical appearance as they are driving a car, UNLESS they are "showing off the goods" in outside arenas (like Danica, perhaps). But I'm wondering, given what the chapter had to say about this, if the class views Danica's sexualized image as another example of a female sports star being reduced to (or in her case, reducing herself) to the level of sexualized novelty, or do you think her actions are empowering because she is using her females attributes as a kind of "girl power" statement in a sport with no other females?

Worldwide Gender Bias?

I came across this article: http://www.iht.com/articles/2004/02/21/mwork_ed3_.php, and it not only described the wage differences in America, but also numerous countries around the world. In fact, it mentioned Sweden not having the same problems as the U.S. in terms of unfair wages based on gender. It even argues that although higher-positioned women in the U.S. workforce can make less than men, that in other countries it is not this way. Is the world more evolved or are we simply too stubborn based on cultural norms?

Finally, what do women do differently in these other countries that has curbed unfair wages based on gender? Could women in the U.S. follow their example?

Communication Between Different Groups of People

I was browsing the internet and came across an interesting article about communication. This article does not deal with men and women in particular, but it does discuss two different groups of people. I feel that the way this article describes the communication between groups can be easily applied to the way that men and women communicate. Here is a link to the article. http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/tact.html

"The Today Show" segment

There was an interesting segment on the Today Show on Wednesday (see attached) that talked about "unlocking the male mind" and how the male and female mind are the exact same except for about 1%, which is the part that causes the differences between men and women. The psychologist discuss that this part of the brain cause men to think about "the end of the game"; they don't remember the extreme details that women do during an event (such as a wedding, they might be totally oblivious to the type of flowers, what they ate, but they are focused on the fact that they are getting married--its all about the end result). According to these "experts" women are much more tuned into the "journey"that they take (the emotions they feel while picking out their dress, the wine they drank). Their thoughts are more centered on emotions. One of the things that attribute this difference to is the fact that the Insula and ACC, parts of the brain which is responsible for emotion and "mothers intuition" are sized differently in men and women. This raises a question in my mind that since some of the more feminine gender qualities are linked to the way the brain in constructed, to you think that this study provides any validity that homosexuality and gender identity issues can be linked the idea that you are born gay or straight?